dec 27 2011
21.14
wow
what a week it was,
what a weekend and not at all for the good reasons...
lots of things that went on,made me sure what i want for .. ME
a lot of upset,tears and disappointments,
when love turns into,confusion,upset then finally ...
giving up...
there is just too much one can see,feel and know...
if all of the things i believed in were actually all for show..
i felt,anger and then i felt sorry...
but i know,
i cant feel sorry if someone intended to keep things that are important from me...
i snapped and said,my life is not a joke...
i gave it to you to take care of,
not to neglect it and then tell me you didnt mean
to hurt me...
but after,i looked at him and i knew he hasnt have a clue,
what it means to have and to hold,
and he didnt realize until i grew out of it
that i was the only one who was always here,
loving him whatever happened...
and now,i know i have gone,and it will take time to make him see it..
i asked,if someone would love me again,and want me,like me?
i want you to know that i hoped it will happen at the right moment.
and i have a life,i want to live it,i want to be happy like everybody else..
this life it thought i shared with you...
but i found myself on my own,so i might as well be alone...
christmas gone,new year to come,
in my mind i hoped things would be calm...
i want to be happy,not in an impossible way,,,
but in a way that it will be real happinness
not something that would make me tired..
but i am in love,i am in love...
there is a bit of a sparkle i see at the end of the dark tunnel...
my heart feels free,my heart feels happy...
and i know one day i will look back and thank heavens for making my life
how it was,to make me a bit sronger and wiser..
but i dont regret anything,i love expiriencing all of it,
i know,without all these i wont know whats right from wrong..
better to love than not expirience love,
to give than not,
to have made someone feel happy than sad...
with company than lonely...
and he knew i was all that..
but he didnt hold me tight,i was to be his wife,
he was suppposed to take care of me,but unfortunately
things didnt go as we thought they should be...
when i cried,i wanted to scream at him,
with what you've done,i have fallen inlove with somebody!
i felt i have lost hope in all good things,
i felt that maybe i wasnt going to be a wife again to anyone,
or no one would ever be good to me...
but i am inlove,i am inlove..
and it has overlapped all the negative emotions that i have..
he may not see me in the way i thought he should be...
but i cant ever know how anyone should see or feel for me
how i ended in this situation,i cant now fully explain,
but it gave me happinness and reason to carry on
even though it is for unconconvwntional reasons,,,
he didnt know,he takes care of me,he looked after me,
in his own way,
he didnt realize it but i smile when i know he is coming my way...
and i really do miss him every single day..
but i know this is the life i have,something i have to accept ...
and one day i know,everything will be fine,i shouldnt be impatient..
someone would want to be with me,to hold and to love me..
for my past,my present and my future...he will accept me :))))
now i know i am happy,in my own way
and i am making someone happy,
the way he wants me...
our fantasy and reality came together unexpectedly xxx
i am inlove,i am inlove...
and i am his sugarbaby xxx
